What Should Have Been All Along
by MrsReid0203
Summary: This is my take on what should have come from the "I could have had kids" conversation with Reid and JJ in 9x01. He could have had kids, but with who? Oneshot for now. Read and Review! Let me know if I should continue this! Rated T for mentions of abuse


They had just touched back down and arrived at Quantico. Hotch ordered them immediately to meet in the conference room to discuss how they were to handle the twin psychopaths.

"Alright, everyone get a good night's sleep. We'll handle this in the morning," Hotch said dismissing his team for the night.

"Spence, can I talk to for a moment in my office?" JJ asked as everyone else left to go home.

"Sure. What's up, JJ?" he asked as she closed the office door behind them.

She took a breath and said, "Spence, I just wanted to apologize."

Genuinely confused, Reid asked her, "What do have to apologize for?"

"Spence, when I said you didn't understand about not having kids, I didn't think before saying anything. I know it's still hard for you losing Maeve. I just wanted to apologize for that," JJ explained to him.

A small smile appeared across his face for a moment before he said, "I miss her, I really do, but that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?" JJ asked with confusion now crossing her face.

He hesitated for a moment and said, "I'm not sure if you want to hear this."

"Spence, you know you can tell me anything," JJ said.

He took her by the hand, guided her to the couch in her office to sit down, and said, "Will you answer a question first? I can tell you anything, and I know you can do the same with me."

Noticing he hadn't let go of her hand yet, she nodded and said, "Yeah, I guess."

"Why did you and Will split up?" he asked her straightforward.

"H-How did you know we split?" she asked shakily.

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and said, "I accidentally overheard you on the phone arguing with your mother. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but when I heard the upset tone in your voice, I was worried about you."

She smiled as tears silently escaped her eyes and whispered, "You don't have to apologize. I've needed to talk to someone, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it."

He reached to brush the tears from her cheeks, but she flinched in pain when he made contact with her cheek.

"JJ. . . What did he do?" Spencer asked with anger obviously boiling up inside him.

"This job doesn't allow us to be home much, but you know that. Will was ok with it at first, but he got angrier and angrier every time I had to leave. I had left Henry with Jack and Jessica since Will was supposed to be working at the same time we were gone on a case, and when I came home, Will was drunk. He got angrier than I had ever seen him before, and he beat me. It took a divorce and a restraining order to keep him away from me. Not all the bruises have healed. I have what's left of them covered with makeup," JJ explained with more tears pouring down her face.

Spencer shot up from where he was sitting beside JJ muttering hotly, "When I get a hold of him… He'll regret it…"

"Spence, please don't," JJ said sobbing.

He turned around to see her crying harder than he'd ever seen her cry before hugging her arms around herself. The sight was enough to break his heart. He crossed the room in two quick strides and took her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.

She took a shaky breath to calm herself down and said, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Spence. You never explained what you meant from earlier. That was why we came in here after all."

He smiled and said, "Promise you'll hear me out?"

"You listened to all I had to say. It's only fair that I listen to everything you have to say," JJ smiled a teary smile back still wrapped in his arms.

"I loved Maeve. I really did. Losing her made me realize something though. True love is rare, Jay. I loved her and could see myself having a family with her. I lost her though, and there's nothing I can do to change that. I've accepted that. It took some time, but I did. I learned something from it though. I'm not going to miss out on love again," he took a deep breath and continued, "I love you, Jennifer. When I said I could have had kids, I could have easily meant if Maeve would have survived. That's not what I did mean though. I meant me and you. When you made Henry my godson, I could only wish he was my son and not Will's. I understand if you don't feel the same way, especially after what happened with Will. I'm not missing out on the chance to tell you I love you though. I love you so much, Jennifer."

"Oh, Spence. . . I knew. I always knew how you felt. I married Will because he was Henry's father. There wasn't much else to it. I wanted to give Henry a whole family. I thought it was for the best. I never should have married him. I wouldn't have at all if I knew it would have ended the way it did. I wish it would have been me and you from the start of it all," JJ said holding Spencer's face in her hands running a thumb over his lips.

"JJ…" he said barely above a whisper.

"I love you, Spence," she said looking him straight in the eyes.

She didn't give him a chance to respond as she pressed her lips to his. He quickly responded by pulling her closer to him, but she responded by flinching in pain.

He looked at her questioningly, and she said, "He bruised a couple of ribs as well."

He sighed knowing he couldn't do anything about it except love her with all that he had in him, though he inwardly cursed Will for hurting her the way he did.

"We should probably get home. It wouldn't be good if we were falling asleep during the case tomorrow," Spencer said.

JJ's smile faltered as she said, "I don't get much sleep anymore. I can't shake the nightmares. Henry is staying with Jessica tonight since we're headed out early again. Stay with me?"

He took a moment too long to think things over, so JJ added, "Nothing physical. It'll be a while before I'm comfortable with anything more than kissing again. Besides, I don't want to rush this. I need you by my side to keep the nightmares away. I need to feel safe again, Spence."

"Of course, I'll stay with you, Jay," he said pressing a kiss to her forehead.

They left the BAU hand-in-hand. They both knew they were only going to get a few hours' sleep before heading back into work again, but knowing they would be at each other's side was comforting. As they left the BAU, they knew that everything had changed, but it was finally how it was meant to be.


End file.
